I hope that you’re all doing well. I just wanted to take some time and really open my heart to you guys today. When I started this blog I made a promise to myself that I would be genuine and forthcoming with my life journey. That being said, I want to share something with you that has been weighing heavily on my heart recently.
When Freddie and I made the decision for me to be a stay-at-home mom, we had many, many long talks about it and we did lots and lots of math. Being that I don’t have a college degree, we found that me getting a job would most likely result in me not bringing home any money. Rather, all of the money I made would go to daycare. This is a problem that A LOT of new moms face. The dreaded decision of whether or not to go back to work; also known as one of the hardest decisions of your life.
Believe it or not, I have had many people approach me and tell me that I need to get a job. Most times these people insinuate that being a stay-at-home mom is a needless job. It’s quite unfortunate that the perception of stay-at-home moms is that we sit at home all day and pamper ourselves and eat bon-bons. When in reality, we spend our whole days taking care of others. All day is go, go, go. I wake up, feed Jacob, make breakfast, play with Jacob for a short time, get a chore done, get Jacob down for a nap, get more chores done, Jacob wakes up, make lunch for Jacob and I, play with Jacob more, do a chore, do more chores, give Jacob a bath, read him a couple books, get dinner ready for him, feed him again, get him ready for bed, get him to bed, more chores, make dinner for Freddie and I, clean up from dinner, do a final bedtime chore, then go to bed. Sometimes by mid-afternoon I realize that I haven’t even taken a moment to get my teeth brushed and face washed. Now this isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy the little moments, that we never have fun, because we do. I love being a stay-at-home mom more than anything. It just isn’t this easy-breezy job that some seem to think it is.
It’s funny because I have re-written this post about five times. I feel the need to justify my decision to be a stay-at-home mom to all of those people. All of the ones that judge me and think that I am less than or failing my family because I don’t bring in a steady income. But in the last few days, I have realized that my husband and I don’t have to justify our decision to anyone. Why? Because we have done the math. We have spent hours upon hours talking about possible solutions. Heck, we have even implemented some of those solutions.
If you’re in a similar situation, I want to you remember something: do what works for your family – this goes for working moms also. You cannot convince someone that you’ve made the right decision for your family. The only person who knows whether that decision was right or wrong is you and your significant other. NOTHING you say will convince that other person what you’re doing is right. Parenting is subjective; there is no ONE right way to do things.
I could have written this post on many different individual decisions that I have made as a parent thus far: breastfeeding, room sharing, rear-facing, etc. I guess my point behind this post is not to let people get you down. Do what works best for you and your family. Because in the end, everyone has an opinion and they aren’t going to be the ones thanking you later for staying home with them and doing crafts, or working those extra hours so they could get that new Xbox they really wanted. Those people aren’t the ones that you’re sacrificing for.
I hope that if you needed to read this, it has found you well or if you know someone who needed to read this, you share it with them. As I said before, these circling opinions have really made me second guess our initial decision. Not only that, but it had left me questioning my self-worth and if we had made a very silly or selfish decision. It took a small talk to my mom and a lot of positive affirmations for me to arrive at the conclusion that we did what we had to do and we made the right decision.
Until next time!